If you watch porn, it is important to remember that what is depicted in mainstream or extreme porn is often not what actual sex is like. This distinction is important because the expectations we bring to sex should be realistic and not based on what we see in porn. The latter can lead to people feeling under pressure to look a certain way (e.g. no pubic hair) or to perform in a certain way (e.g. maintaining an erection for a long time).
Illustration credit: https://www.instagram.com/amourchapters/
The videos and the table below explain the differences between porn and real sex in more detail.
It is not uncommon to be curious about porn, but it is important to understand what messages you may be viewing and the impact these can have.
- Most pornographic videos don’t show discussions surrounding consent, but open discussions about consent are important for people having sex with each other.
- Most pornography makes penises, men’s pleasure and penetrative sex the main focus. This does not give a realistic expectation of sex; it does not portray foreplay or sex that focuses on women’s pleasure (i.e., clitoral stimulation, oral sex for women) or provide accurate representations of queer sex or sex between members of the LGBTQ+ community.
- Pornography often shows unrealistic and harmful stereotypes of body image. Most men in porn will have a large penis and muscular bodies; most women in porn will be skinny with big boobs and butts, have no body hair, and be extremely flexible. This can make people feel they have to look a certain way in order to be seen as sexy. But the different shapes and sizes, genders, sexualities, and personality traits of people are actually what makes them sexy.
- Pornography often shows harmful power imbalances, suggesting that men should be dominant, quite aggressive, and even violent, and women submissive with her pleasure and preferences ignored. Porn rarely shows women in a dominant role, which isn’t what actual sex is like. It also tends to depict sex with/between people of colour and LGBTQ+ people as ‘exotic’ rather than the norm.
Porn can also be problematic due to exploitation in the porn industry. Sometimes people in porn have reported that they have been pressured into doing things that they didn't want to do, and that the industry could be exploitative. It's important to consider whether the people in porn are consenting to everything that is happening.
Remember that porn is fantasy, not reality.
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