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Q&A: (Un)healthy relationships

My partner wants me to send nudes

Sometimes in a relationship two people exchange nude pictures of themselves. This can be a fun part of a relationship, but it’s important that both people are consenting, and neither person should ever share those images with anyone else. If you don’t feel comfortable doing this, you should never feel under any pressure to do so, and you are allowed to say no! Sharing nude images of someone without their permission is against the law, and you can go to prison for up to five years.

sexting

Illustration credit: https://www.instagram.com/liberaljane/

Partner wants to try anal sex, but I’m not sure

Communicating with your partner about sex can feel really awkward if you’re not used to it, but it’s a vital part of a healthy relationship and after a while it feels totally natural! It’s normal for two people to have different sexual interests, and you never have to try anything that you don’t want to. In a healthy relationship your partner should respect this. Some people like anal sex, and some people don’t, there is no right or wrong.

We’ve shared some tips here.

If you do want to try anal sex, scarleteen have some great information about how to do this in a safe and healthy way. Always remember that you can withdraw consent at any time, and that sex should never hurt.

My partner gets upset if I spend time with friends

All of the relationships in your life are important: friends, family and partners! In a healthy relationship, you should be able to spend time together AND time apart from each other. If your partner is trying to prevent you from seeing your friends, this could be a sign that you are in an abusive relationship. You can get some support with that by getting in touch with the Rosey Project

My partner doesn’t want to wear a condom

Wearing condoms is one really important part of protecting your sexual health and it’s great that you are thinking about that. If your partner is trying to pressure you to have sex without a condom, this is a form of sexual violence and you can get support from the Rosey Project. Scarleteen have some great information about your birth control options but remember: you should never feel pressured to have sex without a condom, and any non barrier contraception does not protect against STDs

I think I’m in love with my best friend

LGBT Youth have some great information about coming out, if you’ve not told the people in your life that you are gay/bi/queer yet.

Talking to your friend about this must feel scary, and it’s always a vulnerable thing to tell someone that you like them. There’s always the chance that they might not feel the same way about you, which can be hard. If you want to speak to your friend about how you feel, have a think about what would feel right for you: do you want to send her a text, or find some time when you are alone to chat about how you are feeling? It can sometimes help to tell the person how you feel, and then give them a bit of space before they respond. Be prepared for the possibility that they might not feel the same way and be gentle with yourself.

How do I make sure my partner enjoys sex?

Some people find it more difficult to orgasm than others, and it’s important to remember that having an orgasm is not the only thing that makes sex enjoyable! The only way to be sure how your partner is feeling is to communicate with them! You might feel nervous about this, but it gets much easier with practice. Pick a time when you are alone and both feeling in a good place. Is there anything they would like to do more of? Is there anything they’d like to do less of? We’ve put together some top tips here:

How do I know if I’m ready for sex?

It’s absolutely normal to be unsure about whether you are ready to have sex and it’s great that you are taking some time to think about it. There doesn’t need to be a big rush about doing sexual things for the first time. Pay close attention to your own feelings and your own body. It’s normal to want to feel the same as everyone else, but everyone is ready for sex at different times and only you know what’s right for you! It’s OK for you to go slow, test out what feels right for and work it out as you go along. Sometimes it can help to start on your own to help you understand your own body and scarleteen have some great information about masturbation.

Brook have some great information to help you work it out. It also might help to have a chat with a health professional, like a sexual health nurse to make sure you have thought through your contraception options.

I don’t feel like a normal boy/girl

Well the first question we have is what it means to be a normal boy or girl! The genderbread person shows us that it is possible to be a boy or girl, but to have the opposite gender expression (e.g. masculinity or femininity) than what is normally expected of the sex you were assigned at birth.

genderbread

However, it might also be that you are having some questions about your gender identity and whether you might be transgender. This can mean being a trans man, a trans woman or non-binary (Someone who doesn’t identify as a man or a woman, or who identifies as both). LGBT Youth have some great information about this and can provide you with support with these questions.

My partner wants my password

It is healthy and normal to have boundaries in a relationship, and your partner looking for your password could be a sign that they are being controlling, which is not OK. Being in a healthy relationship means sharing things together, but also having things for yourself.

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Illustration credit: https://www.instagram.com/frizzkidart/

I’m not interested in sex with my partner. Am I asexual?

Only you can know how you feel. Sometimes sexual desire can fluctuate in life and in a relationship; but it is also possible that you are asexual. Asexual means that you do want to have romantic relationships, but you are not interested in having sex. In this video asexual people explain what the term means to them.

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For more information, you can visit the Glasgow and Clyde Rape Crisis website.

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